It’s been a while since my last post, where I had just started the rehab process. I wanted to document the earlier parts of the recovery better, but school and frisbee got the better of me, and I spent enough time worrying about my knee as is, so it seemed overkill to take more time out of my day to write about it. Now that I’m off for the summer hopefully I can write these posts on a semi-regular schedule.
Anyways, since my last post, my recovery process has come in baby steps—quite literally. Four weeks post-op I was cleared off my crutches. The doctor also cleared me to bend my knee past 90 degrees (not that I was even able to do so at the time), along with unlocking my brace so that I can bend it when sitting/walking. Its been another 4 weeks since that appointment, and I’m starting to gain back some of the muscle definition in my leg, bending the knee is becoming a little more natural, and walking is starting to look normal again. I've also been partially cleared out of my brace, so I no longer have to wear it around the house or if I'm only walking a short distance.
All that being said, I honestly don’t feel a whole lot better. My leg still feels incredibly fragile. One wrong move and it feels like I could reinjure it. Obviously, it no longer hurts to bend the leg to a certain extent (my top score so far is 101 degrees…I started at about 65), and I can definitely do more than I was previously able, but I still feel very much injured. The knee is still stiff and swollen, and the leg as a whole is still very weak. Even with the muscle definition starting to come back to my leg, it is still significantly smaller than the other one. I happened to weigh myself the other day, and I’ve lost 15 pounds. If I had to guess, I’ve probably lost closer 20 pounds of muscle in my leg and gained 5 pounds of fat elsewhere. My leg has a long way to go before its even close to my other one, and there is going to be a lot of obstacles to overcome before I can really start working on getting my full strength back.
Before I can even really work on strengthening the leg, I have to work on its motion. Along with only being able to bend my knee to about 100 degrees, it also doesn’t want to fully straighten out. Let me tell you, working on motion fucking sucks. There are two aspects of motion: extension (straightening) and flexion (bending). For some base measurements, my healthy knee hyperextends to about -3 and bends to about 150 degrees. My injured leg is anywhere from 3-7 degrees when I walk into PT, depending on what I’ve been doing before my appointments. By the end of the session, it’s usually around 0 degrees. Every appointment starts with my propping my heel up to put air under the knee and then putting a 5 pounds weight directly on the knee. I sit there doing quad sets (flexing the quad for 3 seconds at a time) for 6 minutes. From there my trainer will come over and work on my knee, pushing around the kneecap and trying to break down some of the scar tissue. If the trainer decides they want an extension measurement, they’ll call over another trainer to literally push down on my knee as much as they can while the original trainer takes the measurement. They managed to push my knee down to -5 degrees of extension, which is more than my healthy knee can extend, meaning it fucking hurt.
There have been appointments that have really sucked. Recently they made me lay on my stomach with my knee bent, so my foot was in the air. Then my trainer pushed my foot forward, bending my knee to the point where I was getting lightheaded due to the pain. By the end of it, I was practically to the point of tears. That wasn't even the last exercise I was supposed to do that day. Another guy who was also going through ACL rehab was sitting a few tables over from me asked his trainer if he would have to do the same thing I was because it looked terrible. I sure hope not man, that shit sucked.
I know a few too many people who have gone through similar rehab processes, and I’ve always thought I realized how shitty of a situation they were in, but this is really so much worse than I expected. My leg is fucked. It's honestly amazing how much damage you can do to yourself. I didn’t collide with anyone. I didn’t fall from anything. I just planted and changed direction and two months later and I’m barely a quarter of the way through my recovery process. This is definitely a test of my mental and physical fortitude. Some days are better than others, and there’s a long road ahead of me. I’m doing what I can to stay positive and do as much PT outside of my appointments. I’m getting better. I have to focus on the small improvements. Fixating on the long-term goals right now is demoralizing. I have to crawl before I can run. Baby steps.
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