Its been almost exactly three months since my injury, and I'm really starting to get into the swing of things. PT has shifted from focusing on motion to focusing on strengthening (thank god), and we've started seeing some big improvements. My leg is no longer shrinking, going up and down stairs is relatively easy again, and I don't feel the need to sit down every 10 minutes. 3 months was the original checkpoint they gave me for when I would be cleared to start running again, and my surgeon just gave the green light to my trainer to slowly start implementing some running exercises over the next 3-4 weeks. I'm still less than halfway to a full recovery (which is 7-8 months according to the doctors, and 10-12 months according to anyone who has ever played ultimate), and while the physical aspects of my recovery seem to be going well, that is really only half the battle.
Mentally, the last few weeks have been tough. As most of you know, my frisbee team competed at the National Championships in Milwaukee over Memorial Day Weekend. Coming in as the 3rd seed in our pool, and 9th overall, we managed to win our pool, upset the #1 overall seed, and finish 2nd the country. It was an incredible run by the guys, and it was a pleasure to be a part of. At the same time, it was tough to have to sit it all out. Since my injury back in March, I have felt slightly separated from the team. I still went to practices and tournaments, was in all the huddles, and still helped adjust and adapt our defensive and offensive schemes, but it was still different. Nothing brings a group of people together more than battling it out on a practice field with each other. Sitting on the sidelines through that is alienating. I want to be out there with my friends, grinding it out, working towards a common goal.
During the entire weekend at Nationals, I was constantly wondering what reaction I would have when our season came to an end. Last year I was pretty emotional. A tough loss to UMass ended our season, and it was the last time I'd get to play with Carl on Pitt. This year I wasn't sure what would happen. I hadn't played for the majority of the season. Last year it felt like maybe I could have done more to help the team. Maybe a few extra days in the gym or reps after practice would have made a difference. Obviously, that wasn't the case this year.
When we lost in finals, initially I was fine. Some of the guys who had been playing were immediately emotional, and rightfully so, but I barely winced. We went through the handshake line grabbed our stuff, and moved off the field so the Women's final could start. Off to the side of the field, we met up with friends, fans, and family. People were hugging their parents, their teammates, and whoever else. Sure I was bummed that we hadn't been able to bring home the gold, but I was still pretty non-emotional. When we then moved inside to do our final cooldown stretch of the season, and we went around the circle that I finally broke down. One of my coaches mentioned how proud he was of me and a teammate (who had also not played all season due to a knee injury) and our ability to continually show up to practices, and still want to participate after all of the other shit we were going through. Plenty of people over the last few months have reached out and offered their condolences and checked up on me, but hearing it come from a coach, at that time, really hit home for me.
As we sat there it really started to hit me. Some close friends would be graduating, and it was the last time we'd wear our Pitt jerseys together. A combination of emotions about my knee, our season being over, and the sense of pride in how well performed all hit me. We sat in that circle for a long time. A lot of guys had a lot to say, and everyone wanted to hear every last word of it. This team is something special and most people will never get to experience anything like it.
It has been a tough season, but never for a moment did I think of quitting. There have been days where I haven't wanted to go to PT, or have been jealous of my teammates for being able to go out and play the game I love while I'm stuck on the bench, but straight up quitting has never been an option. Ultimate is a hilariously significant part of my life. From early in my high school career it has shaped me as a person and continues to do so to this day. I've met so many incredible people and had so many incredible memories through this sport that I could never just up and quit. There is going to be many more mental challenges in the coming months, but I just have to remember what I'm working towards, and why I love this sport so much, and I'll be just fine.
